I saw Bad Moms the other night. SO GOOD. The premise is a bunch of moms who are FED UP and EXHAUSTED from trying to live up to impossible standards. God do I know something about that.
The standard setter in my life isn’t Natzi PTA president Christina Applegate. No, it’s me. I’m the Natzi. I want to live the best life possible. I don’t want to make the mistakes of my parents. Somewhere down deep, I believe that if I work and work and work, life will reward me with perfection.
Spoiler Alert! That’s total bullshit.
And I KNOW this. Rationally, I know that perfectionism is nothing but a weighted stone of MYTH existing only to crush our souls. But subconsciously, I’m forever striving for the neat and tidy. For the best possible order (Natzi). If I control my environment JUST enough then maybe I won’t end up with messy feelings to feel. Again, bullshit.
Life is anything but neat and tidy. It’s messy. So messy. LOVE is messy. Relationships are messy.
I can’t do it all. I want to. I get up everyday, wanting to do it all. But I can’t. And that means my life will be messy. My house is messy, my office is messy, my relationship with my 3 year old is messy, and my emotions and thoughts and nerves are all over the place. DON’T LIKE IT. But note to self: GET OVER IT. Tis life. And it’s a beautiful life, but I’m often so caught up in living up to my own unrealistic standards that I fail to enjoy it. I fail to notice all the good. To let go and allow myself to actually FEEL GOOD while living.
Listen, wanting to live the best life possible is a beautiful ambition, and all on its own it will make you great. But we must remember that BEST is simply a bulls-eye that we loosely shoot for and LIFE is really about souring through the air on the way to the mark. And IT’S OKAY if you don’t always make the mark. You’re not going to, because you’re human and this all just a grand experiment anyway. Pat yourself on the back when you get close. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and give yourself a love injection when you miss it completely. And enjoy the flights through the air along the way.
This is my new ambition. To embrace the messy. To LET IT THE DUCK GO. To notice when I’m holding myself to some impossible standard and come back to the moment and embrace whatever’s icky and messy and beautiful about it. To make choices that feel good and aren’t always what I think I “should” do. I get sick of all the “shoulding” I do on myself. Just live. JUST live. I’m not going to be a perfect mom, or spouse, or business owner, or friend. But I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to show up with my whole heart and get up each day and try again. And that’s really all I can ask of myself. And it’s all you should ask of you.
So let’s have some fun! And forgive, forgive, forgive ourselves when we miss the mark. And embrace all the glorious imperfection that is US. I love us dear ones. Let’s let ourselves off the hook. Here’s to changing our perspective of what “bad” even is 🙂
P.S. I loved Bad Moms almost as much as I love White Russians (which is the drink they’re spontaneously making here in the middle of the supermarket). It’s not perfect (it’s messy!) no movie is, but it’s hilarious and relatable. What more could you want?
P.P.S What they’re doing in this photo is actually bad and could get you arrested or at the very least banned from your favorite supermarket so I don’t suggest you take bad to this level. Start out slow 😉